Advice for Finn

1. Follow your dreams. Not the dreams you think you should want, but the dreams that make your soul sing. When you close your eyes, you'll see the life you want. Follow that.

2. Never let anyone tell you you can't do it. Not a teacher, friend, your Mum or Dad (yes, I just advised you to ignore me or your father!) You CAN do it. Whatever you want to do is in the palm of your hands, you have only to reach for it.

3. Judge people on who they are, not what they are. This is a very important distinction to make. For example, never make sweeping statements like "All lawyers just want the big bucks," when the person next to you in the Woollies queue could be a kind-hearted person who became a lawyer because they wanted to give a voice to those who couldn't defend themselves.

4. Likewise, never let anyone judge you on what you are. They don't know who you are underneath your uniform or job title or physical appearance.

5. Love like there's no tomorrow and get your heart broken. It is a lot less painful to have your heart broken into smithereens and feel it'll never be whole again than to wake up as an 86 year old and find yourself consumed by the emptiness of never loving for fear of being hurt.

6. Be yourself. That way, you always know you are loved for who you are.

7. When it comes to sex, NEVER have sex with anyone without their informed enthusiastic consent. If you haven't discussed it with your partner beforehand and received a "Hell yes!" in reply, you don't have informed enthusiastic consent. Oh and if they're under the legal age of consent or very drunk, they can't give informed (even if it seems enthusiastic!) consent so don't go there.

8. While we're on the topic of sex, never let anyone make you feel you need to have sex to keep them or to look cool or for any reason other than you enthusiastically want to. Sex won't put a relationship that's gone sour back together and it won't make you feel cool to regret an experience you have, whether it's your first time or your fiftieth.

9. I don't care if you are heterosexual, homosexual, bisexual, pansexual, transsexual, omnisexual or any other word you can add to sexual. All I care about is that you are treated well and are happy.

10. Your father and I love you more than you could possibly know and will always be here for you. Nothing you do could make us love you any less so please come to us if you need help for ANY reason. We'll be here for you.

~

Now I've waxed poetic about what I'd like my son to know, I'm curious to know what advice you wish your parents had given you? If you have or plan on having children, what advice will you give them about life?

Finny Photos

So it seems that everybody who voted was intrigued by a different photo. In a way this is a good thing, as it shows that I chose a diverse enough range of images from my day to satisfy all tastes. However, it does mean that I need to either a) Choose which photo I would like to write about or b) Write about all to be fair to the voters.

I have decided that the only fair choice is b). So, starting from tomorrow, I will be posting a little story each day about the chosen photos. His Royal Highness will probably have his 2c worth as well!

I hope you enjoy the series as much as I look forward to writing it.

A Day in the Life

I am launching a new segment tonight - Finny Photos! Yes, the title is a very bad play on "Funny Photos." Basically each fortnight, I will post a bunch of photos of my week, or a day in my life. The catch is that each will receive only a one or two word caption to explain what is going on and you, the reader, will have to vote on which Finny Photo you most want the full scoop on. So, without further ado, may I present:

A Day in the Life
Thursday, April 22, 2010

Morning


Distraction


Puppy love.


Doctor


Park


Play


Fail


Jesse


Goodnight


Sleep tight.

Leave a comment to vote!

The Teething of His Royal Highness

Oh calamity! Alas, alack, forsooth and woe is me. I, His Royal Highness Finn Aleister the 1st, am teething.

This is a terrible day. The pain, oh it is incredible! My gums ache and bleed. I find this horrible clear liquid dribbling down my chin. Mother and Father keep shoving their fingers in my mouth or rubbing this odd clear substance on my raw gums that is oddly soothing. It is Mother who told me this horrendous process is known as "teething." I heard her tell Father that soon they will start me on solids. I do not know what these "solids" are but they better be good and make this pain worth it! I will not take any tom-foolery from my subjects lying down!

The Interloper has been making life challenging for my subjects and they do not serve me hand and foot as they once did, though truly I am not neglecting. The beast keeps chewing on chair legs, shoes and what have you. Mother says he is also teething - well my teeth hurt too, but I have the self-control and dignity to not chew on furniture!

This whole affair is very trying. I do confess, I grow weary of this teething.

Yet, at the back of my mind, I know that this is an initiation into something greater, something "manlier," as it were. Something called "solids."

Shameless plug

It's finally happened, guys, Writer Mama (and Son) has itself a Facebook fanpage! Will wonders never cease?

You can check us out here. Please do become a fan! Or don't, I'm not your mother. :)

If blue thumbs weren't bad enough, now lawnmowers are getting high and hooning around your backyard!

Sit down. I am about to tell you something that will shock you to the core.

I have discovered a show I hate more than In the Night Garden. Cue dramatic music signifying doom.

Larry the Lawnmower.

This show has it all. A possessed set of garden tools, including the loopy lawnmower mentioned in the title, do gardening while trying to solve life's mysteries, such as where chickens come from. There's a pink rake who looks uncannily like I would imagine an ecstasy pill. There's a hose that just looks the face of a Thomas the Tank Engine-esque train. Don't even get me started on the disembodied head of a whale that is supposedly a wheelbarrow.

The worst part? It's narrated by Jay Laga'aia aka the "sexy" Reverend character on Home and Away. Jay, surely you are not so washed up you must lower yourself to participating in this excuse for children's television? Look, if you get to regularly snog Ada Nicodemou on one of Australia's most popular (though not necessarily its most well written, performed or intellectual) TV shows, you are not that washed up. And if you wanted to do children's telly, you could have joined the cast of Playschool.

If you don't believe that any show could be that bad, feel free to watch the intro, courtesy of the good people at YouTube:



Of course, it's only fair to mention that children's television written while high is not new. For example, there is Bill and Ben the Flower Pot Men, the classic British kids' show (the less said about the remake the better.) Popular though it was (and still is amongst the 50+ crowd), watching it now is kind of like submerging myself in a bad trip - scary as a silent horror film but strangely addictive.

Just to show you what I mean, here is a little clip I found on YouTube recently. Upon my initial viewing, my reaction was disbelief that such a thing could ever be popular. On my second, I decided it was ridiculous, but cute. On my third? I laughed and bopped along. I even sang the little tune to myself. Clearly, Bill and Ben works on the acquired taste principle. That, or it sends subliminal messages. Either way, enjoy (or be horrified):



Yes, I laughed and bopped along. And sang the little tune to myself.

No, I do not think that Larry the Lawnmower will prove to have the same addictive qualities as Bill and Ben. For a start, it's not funny and secondly, I don't think the Australian writers have worked out how to send subliminal messages yet.

Though, at least we now know where the writers of In The Night Garden and Larry the Lawnmower get their inspiration! Sorry, guys, until you get that wonderful mix of horror and amusement, it ain't gonna be workin' for me.

One year

One year ago today, I jumped in the car and ran down to the local chemist. I bought a home pregnancy test two pack, then sped back home again, dropping my bag and sprinting to the loo.

Five minutes later, I saw that second pink line. In an instant, my life had changed.

I cried. I whooped. I called Evan and told him off for his underwhelming reaction. I regained my senses and called the doctor to make an appointment. I took photos of the positive test, before I safely tucked it away in my drawer for prosperity.

I look at Finn now - the way he giggles, the way he cries, the way he grunts when he lifts his head up off the floor, the way he grows overnight - and it amazes me that his presence in my life began as a thin strip of dark pink.