More things I have learned about parenting

Since the last time I posted about what I had learned as a parent, His Highness has grown and, along the way, has delighted in teaching me even more (the hard way, of course.)

1. It is a truth universally acknowledged that if your child is doing something extraordinarily cute and camera worthy, they will instantly stop as soon as the camera comes out. 
2. This will also happen if you ask them to demonstrate their new trick for a family member or friend. They're like the singing frog from the Warner Brothers cartoon.
3. A warning to all parents in the first five rows: You will get wet. And vomited on. And pooped on. And still be expected to cuddle your darling toddler afterwards.
4. You will find yourself singing the theme tune to The Hoobs, Chuggington or whatever your child's program of choice is at the top of your lungs. Doesn't sound so bad? Did I mention you'll be in the middle of Woolies when you do so?
5. You'll find yourself speaking parentese. To outsiders it looks a bit like this: Child: (incomprehensible jibberish) You: I suppose so, but you'll need to wear old clothes and put a tarp down first.
6. You will find that spending money on your child is actually just as much or more fun than spending it on yourself. Except the part when you realise that adding the word "child" to any product instantly ups the price of said product. A bit like weddings in that regard.
7. Along the same lines, you'll keep boxes from deliveries for the kid to play with. 
8. You will find yourself really, really looking forward to Mother's Day, dropping hints and reminders to your long-suffering husband ad nauseum. You will also insist that it is not just a Hallmark holiday, but a well-deserved day of worship for all mothers everywhere.
9. You will eventually say "Won't somebody please think of the children?" Sorry, you will. But don't worry, you'll also learn to use it sarcastically. 
10. When you're with your child, you'll be counting down the hours until your next break. When you're not, you'll feel bereft and count down the hours until you see them again. Welcome to parenthood.
11. The older your child gets, the more likely it is that he or she will like something you don't like or understand. His Highness likes that appallingly nauseating remake of The Magic Roundabout. Do no get!
12. You'll be able to spot people who like children and people who don't a mile away. The former will the ones running toward you squealing in delight. The latter will be the ones running away squealing in disgust.
13. You won't be able to think of a 13th item for your list because you have The Hoobs theme tune stuck in your head.
14. Parenting doesn't so much get easier as it does become a learned skill. The hard part comes when you finally learn a needed skill and your child starts challenging you in a new and inventive way. 
15. Worrying about your child will become a new way of life.